It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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