WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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