2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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