Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
