I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
