I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
