No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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