To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
