I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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