And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
