you mean i was at the winter classic?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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