i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
