Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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