Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
