it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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