i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
