it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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