Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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