shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
