so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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