he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
