Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.