Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow