Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.