Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This house was built for laser tag.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.