I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool