If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
