we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.