I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME