we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
