I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
