Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
