i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
