the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When are your genitals available?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
