I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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