Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
