listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
