Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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