I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
