So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
