I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
