She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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