That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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