i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
