Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
