Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
