perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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