The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
