Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
