i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
