you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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