Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
