i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
