So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your cock deserves a montage
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
