I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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