I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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