i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
