I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
