dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
