i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
