I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
