i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
