what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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