I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
