Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
