It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
