So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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