from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
