my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
